Functional family? Don't make me laugh!

I've been reading a lot in blogs lately about dysfunctional families. It's Christmas season that sets these things off -- a time when our expectations most exceed reality and disappointment in non perfection is most acute. Calling any family dysfunctional is being unnecessarily redundant. Find me a family that's functional -- go on, I dare ya. Movies and TV don't count; neither does any family you haven't been a part of. Too easy to be fooled by a good facade when a stranger is present. If you're looking for perfection anywhere, you're doomed to failure.

I'm watching one of my favorite movies -- Meet Me in St. Louis. It has just about the most goldenly perfect depiction of family life ever seen on the silver screen with none of the grating mawkishness of the Brady Bunch. Most times I watch it in a happy glow of nostalgia for an era and family which never existed, an idealistic glimpse of what everyone wishes their family were like. There were a few times I watched it tearfully, sad that my family could never measure up to the Smiths.

But, you know, even the Smiths had their moments of discord and familial failings.

Agnes runs off on Halloween leaving her sister Tootie behind because she's too little. And talk about juvenile delinquency! What those children are allowed to get up to -- bonfires, for heaven's sake.

Mr. Smith doesn't consult anyone in his family before deciding to accept a new position which means moving his family to New York. Everyone is pretty upset. Most of them stalk out in a huff (although the parents' singing draws everyone back, determined to make the best of it).

Rose and Esther are mortified when their dates fall through, and they face the disgrace of having to be escorted to the Christmas ball by their brother. They narrowly miss being scarred for life.

Yet at the end of the film they're a united and happy family.

I know there are a lot of families out there with some very serious problems -- drug/alcohol abuse, physical and emotional abuse, neglect, mental illness. I'm not taking that lightly. But now everyone has decided, via mega viewings of Dr. Phil and Montel, that they're expert analysts. They study their family, find it lacking, and blame their problems on negative and non supportive kin.

Most people have been damaged by their family. The main exceptions are the alphas -- the golden children who grow up to rule the pride. Or those few who are exceptionally resilient and thick skinned.

I'm no exception. My main problem, from always being the odd one, the belittled one, is a lack of self-confidence. When it seems like someone is snubbing me, when someone who has been friendly suddenly turns cold, my first thought is usually that I've done something wrong. It worries me. I feel hurt. I wonder if I should approach them about it, or just cut and run. It's compounded by my difficulty picking up subtle hints. I don't: I need a brick to hit me (or someone to come right out and say things clearly and distinctly).

Then I try to look at it from another perspective. Maybe it's the other fellow's fault. Maybe he has his own problems, his own inadequacies. Maybe she hasn't had much practice relating to people.

I'm far from shrugging off situations like this, but I'll continue to work at it. And I won't bemoan my dysfunctional family. When I go to Christmas dinner, I'll remind myself that they are insecure people who have to put me down to feel good about themselves. Not My Problem unless I choose to make it so.

Snow Day?

I'm really hoping they cancel school tomorrow. Not that I'm a student -- haven't been for over twenty years, but I work at a school, and if the city cancels, I don't have to go in.

Normally I don't mind so much. I don't like to drive in snow, and this year I'm not familiar with my new (used) car and how it behaves in slippery or snowy conditions. But I can get to work on the bus, with one transfer. Which is also handy if my car's out of service.

However, I woke up this morning with a scratchy throat, achy, feeling blah, and it hasn't improved any over the day. Being able to sleep in tomorrow would be such a great thing! And if there is school, with the snow seeming to be a definite thing, it's going to be wild tomorrow.

For some reason, as long as it's not snowing too badly by seven a.m or so, they don't seem to want to cancel. Even if by dismissal time they know that there's going to be three or more inches on the ground, the roads treacherous, and the school buses having to make their way through a city of people who've left work early to beat the rush hour storm traffic.

This has happened before, and what it usually means is that, starting around 10 a.m. and continuing until school gets out, there will be a steady stream of parents through the front door getting their kids dismissed early. A few times there were dozens of dismissals out of a school population of about 330, not counting the ones who started showing up at the side door from a half hour before school ended and were taken care of by the day care workers.

Then I'll have to slog through the snow to the bus stop, wheezing and sneezing, and stand ankle-deep in freezing slush to wait for a bus which will probably be late because of the weather, to catch a bus to take me to wait for another bus which will also be late.

One time the traffic congestion and driving conditions were so bad, none of the buses could do their routes after about four p.m. They had one final bus for each route at about 6:30 to get all of us who had been trapped downtown home. That day I got home after seven, after leaving work at 3:30. And my house, under non inclement driving conditions, is about fifteen minutes away from work.

If you're coming snow, come early!