Cheated

Tonight, for the first time, I cheated on NaNo. I didn't last year. Last year I wrote no matter what. Even when my cat was hospitalized and they told me he was very weak from loss of blood and would probably die. I wrote my quota the three nights he was in, and I wrote my quota when I'd brought him home and had to give him pills several times a day and try to get him to eat.

I even made my quota the day I picked him up and got a look at the bill.

But I received some bad news tonight, at about my 1400th word, and I was too upset for awhile to think about my story. If I hadn't put off writing until evening, and writing at a slow pace in between doing other things, I would already have made my total when I found out.

Part of the trouble was that I didn't find anything out. I found out there was something bad, but that I couldn't be told what it was because it had been told in confidence to the person who told me. Who didn't tell me. He just told me that there was something to tell and it wasn't good.

Jesus. You cannot tell me something like that and expect me to take it well.

So I cried a little, imagining horrible things. Then I saw the clock ticking away and looked at the half-filled page and had no desire to write anything about my story.

So I hit "enter" a few times and started venting about what had just happened. It was in my story's document, and it is writing. It's certainly colorful and expressive. Technically, maybe it isn't cheating and if it is, I'm only cheating myself.

But I don't want to cheat myself. I'm going back to the story, even if it is late, and try to write a little more that will count towards yesterday's total.