An open letter to the people (and government) of Kazakhstan

Dear folks:

Don't worry about that Borat movie. Most of the civilized world understands vicious satire. And, like Oscar Wilde once stated: "It is better to be talked about than not to be talked about." Someone else said, "There's no such thing as bad publicity," though, since I can't remember who, he obviously didn't get enough of it. If any of you are familiar with the name Paris Hilton, you know the truth of the above statements.

Nobody in the United States believes anything seen on screen, including the news. We take everything with a grain of salt. We are the nation of stand-up comedians, spin doctors, and lawyers. We have no standards. None of the Americans the Borat guy fooled in the filming of the movie seem to care unless they go to see it and find their screen time got cut. Then you'll hear screaming.

Look at McDonalds. Are they upset about Fast Food Nation? Not a corporate lawyer in sight. Since the fast food joint in the movie is called 'Mickeys' you can't get much more obvious. But McDonalds understands that they are untouchable. As long as they make tasty fried mass produced food-like products at a reasonable price, the world will be pouring money into their coffers.

If one enterprising Kazakhstani follows the same path, there could be a Koumis and horse sausage kiosk on every street corner on Earth by 2025. Though take my advice and study McDonalds' methods: up the sugar content of the former and deep fry the latter. McNuggets were an acquired taste in China and Qatar.

Don't worry about any of us here thinking worse of Kazakhstan. Until this brouhaha over the Borat movie, 98% of us didn't know there was a Kazakhstan. That two percent did is thanks for the most part to an American movie: Air Force One. And that was largely because Gary Oldman played the lead terrorist. Who wasn't a wimp or a clown. He was kickin.

Since the controversy broke, the number of people here who know about Kazakhstan is at least five percent and rising. Which is spectacular since the guy who plays Borat is no Gary Oldman.

Don't take the ignorance of Americans as a slur against Kazakhstan. We're famous for our lack of geographic knowledge and our disinterest in any cultures other than our own. According to a CNN article last May, two-thirds of Americans aged 18 to 24 can't find Iraq or Iran on a map. Heck, 33% of them can't even find Louisiana. The shameful part is that of the 33%, 5% live in Louisiana. Okay, I made the last one up. I hope.

Movie stars are even worse, not just the American ones (the Borat guy is English, by the way). Eighty-seven percent of them can't find their butts with a map and a guide.*

So, in conclusion, the Borat movie can only be beneficial for Kazakhstan. None of the bad stuff will be remembered (or believed) for an instant. If you're still worried, hire an official spokesperson. Preferably a movie star. Gary Oldman might be free. Pose him next to an oil well with a big glass of Koumis. Did I mention we also love countries with big oil wells who don't hate us? That Borat guy is English, by the way. Colonial oppression, looking down on the natives, what, what. Not one of us.



*Just a little joke on my part, which movie stars would be the first to laugh at. All movie stars know where their a$$ is. They spend most of their time with their heads up there, removing them only when a photo op presents itself. When a photographer or movie camera appears at a Hollywood party, it sounds like dozens of champagne bottles uncorking at once. Very festive.

Comedy Tomorrow! Tragedy Tonight!

I was watching the news while working on my computer. Or rather, I was listening to the news; TV is mostly used for background noise. My full attention is on the computer monitor -- whatever I'm reading or typing there.

Because I don't pay attention, a lot of times the program I was mildly interested in (or at least didn't mind as background noise) ends and I don't notice until something annoying comes on. Tonight, it was Insider, which is listed in the program description as: "Celebrity interviews and Hollywood dish drive this entertainment-news magazine."

Their lead-off story tonight was the arraignment of John Mark Karr. JonBenet Ramsey's alleged killer. This is supposed to qualify as entertainment news? Why? Because JonBenet had been in child beauty pageants? Because her parents became reluctant media celebrities thanks to the sensational nature of the case? Or because we don't even pretend anymore that murder trials are anything but entertainment except for the people who are directly involved?

Am I the only one who finds it jarring? "Coming up on Insider, we go to John Mark Karr's arraignment! We interview Paris Hilton and Clay Aiken about their new albums! The first public interview with John Mark Carr's first wife -- did she think he was capable of murder? We talk with Sarah, who's 29 and has a problem -- she's still a virgin! Watch as we try to help her find that special someone! Listen to our exclusive preview of the phone tapes. Is it Karr's voice?"

And on and on. And plenty of plugs for ET, which is coming up next and has pictures of the "Colorado slammer" where he'll be interred. Oh, and Jennifer Annistan's directorial debut and plastic surgery gone wrong, wrong, wrong!

It's the global scale making it worse. It's done now with such calculation. "Entertainment" shows are packaging human misery with greater and greater zest and polish. Humanity acts pretty much the same as it always has. In the days before movies and radio, people used to go to public executions. Pileups or accidents have always brought gawkers -- from the age of the chariot to the automobile age. Or if you were part of a scandal, all your neighbors and townspeople would point and gossip and speculate.

But at least when it was small scale, you might know the people involved. You felt shock or horror or sympathy. You were close enough to smell the blood and see the anguish. I guess it's just another way that we're all becoming more desensitized.

I wonder how long it'll be until we regress to fights to the death and competitive maiming? It used to be a cliche in speculative shows (like Star Trek) and books. Now it seems less of a platitude and more of a prediction.

Roughing It

Taken from a web site:


LIFE IN THE 1500'S

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.

Here are some interesting...facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water..

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It's raining cats and dogs.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor.

The wealthy had slate floors That would get slippery in the winter when wet , so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a ...thresh hold..

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old..

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon.. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat..

Those with money had plates made of pewter [a silver and lead alloy]. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be saved by bell, or was considered a dead ringer..


Now me:

And this is why I'm glad I live in the twenty-first century. And why I never understood roughing it in the wilderness.

Mankind spent who knows how many millennia crouching around a fire eating charred meat and retiring to caves or huts with no electricity, running water or toilet facilities. Then getting up the next morning to chase game all day and a missed kill meant no charred meat that night. Generation after generation lived in exactly the same way, with no more hope for changes or improvements than their great-great grandparents had.

But mankind did made progress, very slowly at first: one invention leading to small improvements in the quality of living; one idea leading to more and better ideas. Slowly, very slowly at first, inventions and ideas building upon each other. Then during the Renaissance picking up speed -- faster and faster, leading to better and better quality of life. The explosion of ideas in the last century and a half has resulted in such massive lifestyle changes and improvements in comfort and technology that someone who lived only four generations ago would be amazed at the difference in lifestyle.

I won't be camping out anytime soon! Not even the thirty foot trailers with the running water, TV and air conditioners. If you want that, why not stay at home? And if you want the real cave man experience, go flick your light on and off a few times or get a cold drink out of the refrigerator and think about all the people who've lived before you who would have thought themselves in paradise!

Hacking up a phlegmball

I posted a comment today in a My Space blog. The blogger had been frustrated, not only by the poor service of a waitress, but also her derogatory comment at the slim tip she'd been left. Instead of confronting the waitress, in a calm and rational manner, she did what a lot of us do: left and felt irritated enough by the experience to blow off steam writing a blog about it.

It's easy to preach and harder to practice, and I admit I've done it much less in the past than I should have. It's hard to find the confidence to stand up and draw attention to yourself. Hard, too, when you're afraid your temper will get the better of you, and you'll descend to a level of screaming and swearing which will cheapen your stand and make you look bad. But I like to think I'm standing up for myself a bit more than I used to and I'll continue to worry less and less about what others think of me until I'm a crabby old lady who says whatever she thinks.

Unfortunately the Internet, with all the great services it provides and friendships between people who never would have met otherwise, opens the door to idiots and creeps also. Stalkers and Pedophiles and Hackers (oh my!).

The Internet allows cowardly, insecure people a degree of anonymity that gives them false courage. They don't use their internet savvy to create, only to tear down what others have created. I've heard graffiti praised as an art form. There are some people with artistic talent who have drawn beautiful pictures on ugly, tenement buildings or rotting fences with crumbling paint or concrete blocks. But that's not graffiti, guys, those are called murals. That is "art." "Rick + Lisa 4ever," "Jets Rule!!!!" and the F word -- no matter what colors you spray paint it in or how many curlicues you use or how psychedelic it looks -- is not art. It is garbage.

Hackers are graffiti garbage spewers. They enter sites, take out content, and replace it with garbage. They do it because it brings a feeling of power to an otherwise sad and unremarkable life. Sometimes they do it because they have a grudge against someone and they figure it's revenge. I suppose they consider themselves like Robin Hood or freedom fighters. They're striking a blow against their enemies, in the time honored tradition of might makes right. Are they any different, morally, than people who break into houses? Are they any different from any other form of bully?

Anyone who thinks it's a joke or no big deal would no doubt be outraged if they began finding things out of place in their house every night when they come home. Little bits of evidence that someone was there -- that someone has the power to get in and out of their house with impunity. Someone who didn't do any vandalism this time, but may later, if they so choose. Hacking doesn't have the danger of someone actually, physically threatening you, but that doesn't justify the bullying, that doesn't justify the small minds trying to make other people feel smaller than they.

These are people who are mentally ill. If they were only taking it out by hacking, maybe that would be a release valve and I could at least think that by hacking they were sparing those around them. But I have a feeling these are people who make life miserable both for those within the Internet and those around them. These are the people who probably trip nerds, feel up women and run, or use their cell phones to take pictures up women's skirts. These are women (and I'm sure that women are hacking in larger numbers as we learn more about the Internet) who make their parents, husbands, boyfriends, children miserable. These are people who spread malicious lies and gossip at work, who litter, who pee in communal pools, who pick their noses in public, who steal candy from babies. In other words (to end with a quote from Blazing Saddles)... assholes.

Interview with Warren Murphy and Jim Mullaney

It's finally here! The members of DestroyerClub had sent the two Destroyer authors questions. I think they held off until they could announce the name of the new publisher. It was put up on the site at midnight. You can read the interview here

I'm also going to copy Brian Murphy's announcement about the new publisher here. Some of that info (except for the name) had been known by Dclub members prior to the interview, but will be news to anyone who hasn't been checking the site.

Brian's announcement:

Warren Murphy announced today the signing of a multi-book contract with Tor Books, part of the St. Martin's publishing group, for the publication beginning in 2007 of the long-running Destroyer series.

The books will be written and bylined by Murphy and by James Mullaney who has written some twenty books in the series.

Murphy said the new contract is a departure from the past Destroyer contracts which generally called for four new paperbacks each year. "This contract," Murphy said, "calls for paperback and hardcover books and also plans on the release in trade paperback form of some of the earlier Destroyer novels."

"As such," Murphy added, "it's something new for us and for the Destroyer series. But it's a far different publishing world out there than the one we started out with and you either grow or go away. We've decided to grow. That'll no doubt entail startup pains and getting used to a whole new set of systems and procedures but Jim Mullaney are I are looking forward to the challenge."

The Destroyer series was begun by Richard Sapir and Murphy back in 1971. Its first publisher was Pinnacle Books, followed by N.A.L. Signet and then, for the last ten years, by Harlequin Gold Eagle of Canada. During that period, Destroyer sales reached 45 million copies worldwide and at its height, the series was published in fifteen different countries. In addition, the books are now under option in Hollywood for a new feature film.

Gold Eagle sought a book contract renewal from Murphy but he declined because, he said, "I didn't like the direction the books were taking."

The final Gold Eagle Destroyer, #145, is due out in October. The first Tor book is scheduled for release in April 2007. "We're still working on scheduling and other details but the goal is to maintain our publishing frequency as much as possible."

Murphy called himself "highly delighted" over the new contract with Tor which he called "one of the serious big-time publishers. We've been doing the Destroyers for thirty-five years and who knows? Now, as part of the Tor family, we might be doing them for another thirty-five years."


For questions or to comment on the state of the series, please utilize our forums @ www.warrenmurphy.com and www.DestroyerClub.com.

Happy Fourth

A happy Fourth of July to everyone in the U.S. A happy summer to those in the Northern hemisphere. And for anyone down below the equator? Well, warm weather's coming.

This should be an eventful week. I finally ordered DSL, after complaining about dial up and my ISP for over a year. Though I've been having trouble with the phone lines, hopefully DSL will be speedy enough even if the line crackles now and again. The installation package came today, but I'm going to hold off connecting until after the holiday. It should be easy and uncomplicated, but you never know. My friend got the same thing last month and their older computer didn't have the ethernet card to support it. They didn't have Internet access until her nephew could buy and install it. My computer is less than a year old, and I remember when I got it the booklet said it was DSL ready. I'm just hoping they meant the card as well as the connection port.

This isn't the week to lose the Internet for an extended period. The web master at DestroyerClub mailed our questions to Warren Murphy and Jim Mullaney on the 13th and I'm hoping this will be the week we get the answers. I'm guessing that maybe they've taken this long to return them for one (or both) of two reasons.

They may be writing the first new Destroyer book for the new publisher. Second, since there have been delays with the contract signing, maybe they are waiting until that's settled to return them. Some of the questions did have answers that depend on Warren being able to divulge the name of the publisher; he's already stated he doesn't want to do that until the signatures are on the dotted line.

It's a difficult wait. The next-to-last Gold Eagle Destroyer is coming out this month. I'm not looking forward to it, but I'll still buy and and try to get a little enjoyment. Even though it's like seeing old friends through a warped mirror.

Dreams and nonsense

It's July already. And I was just getting used to June. The lengthening days (now on the wane again, though not noticeably yet), the cold, the copious rain. Summer in New England! Now we'll probably get searing heat and sunny days. A good thing, but it's such an abrupt turnaround.

Another silly thing:

I am The Hierophant The Hierophant often represents learning with experts or knowledgeable teachers. This card also stands for institutions and their values. The Hierophant is a symbol of the need to conform to rules or fixed situations. His appearance in a reading can show that you are struggling with a force that is not innovative, free-spirited or individual. Groups can be enriching or stifling, depending on circumstances. Sometimes we need to follow a program or embrace tradition, other times, we need to trust ourselves.

Because everyone born on my birthday and year has exactly the same personality, intellect and struggles with the same issues.

I did have a dream the other night. I know I dream more than I can recall when I wake up. This one must have happened right on waking, which is why I remember it.

My mother and I were going to see a movie. It probably had a title, but I can only remember that Angelina Jolie was in it. Must have heard the name recently. We were in this big, modern movie megaplex, full of glass and chrome and escalators (it was seven stories). There were no signs outside the theaters to tell us what was playing, and I guess there was nobody around to ask, because we kept going into them to check. Inside, they had the name of the movie on the wall, but it was down in front on the side and was small enough that you had to go almost down to the screen to see it.

I remember in one of the theaters I left my mom at the back while I walked up front to check out the name. When I returned, she had started talking with another older women who was saying she was trying to find her movie too, and wasn't it a shame how confusing this place was. Next thing, we were on the escalator leading down to the lobby. Not sure who we asked or how we found out, but the movie we wanted to see was on the floor we had been on, but we had to go back down to the lobby to get there. Seems the megaplex was bisected down the middle, with theaters on both sides, but you could only get to the other side through the lobby. I was thinking how the architect was a sadist for making the design so awkward. Then I woke up.

Meaning? I don't know. At least it's better than my grandmother's dreams. She's always cleaning a big house.

Patience is...

for the birds!

Word came from Warren Murphy last week that he is very close to signing with a publisher. In his note to the Destroyer Club, while he couldn't tell us the name of the publisher, he did tell us that he would have total control over the content. There would be no more ghosts. Jim Mullaney would be back as author under his own byline. And, best of all, Warren's going to get back into writing them!

I'm happy for us -- the fans. We're going to get characters who are back to normal. We're going to get rid of the strange plots and one unfortunately realized secondary character.

I'm happy for Jim Mullaney. He deserves to get his name on the books. He's a great writer, not just for the Destroyer -- its characters and humor -- but for his way of writing. His style is clear and flowing and always fun to read.

And I'm especially happy for Warren Murphy. Richard Sapir, his immensely talented partner (and Chiun channeler extraordinaire), was taken away from us much too young twenty years ago. I always had the feeling the fun went out of the series for Warren. He kept the books going with ghost writers, but he never wrote much Destroyer material after that. I think writing them again will be good for him. It'll get him back writing the no-hold-barred satire of pompous asses of all political stripes, goofy social engineers, and airhead celebrities.

Until now, I’ve always considered myself a patient person. I never minded waiting for Christmas. Even now, when the first Destroyer from the new publisher is anywhere from eight to twelve months away, that doesn’t bother me. I’ll be glad when I see the first one, but it’s fun anticipating.

No, what’s bothering me is waiting for the contracts to be signed. It’s very close, but until Warren signs on the dotted line, it can never be 100%. And that’s got me frayed! Once everything is set, I’ll be set too.

The DaVInci Blog

The DaVinci Code is out in paperback and the hardcover is still hanging around the bestseller lists while better and more worthy books have come and gone. The movie is coming up next month, spreading its gospel of rumors and distortions and fictional accounts of conspiracy. The Templar Legacy is on the best seller lists with its take on hidden Gnostic gospels that would demolish traditional Christian dogma. The Holy Blood, Holy Grail guys have another "nonfiction" book out beating the same dead horse that Jesus survived and married Mary Magdalene. A recent study reports Jesus may have walked on ice, not water.

And then there's Judas' gospel, "lost" for a millennium or more, that is finally seeing the light of day. It's supposed to be written in the second century, so can't be direct from the fink himself.

"God made me do it!" he whines in this gospel. "I was vital to His fulfilling the prophecy!"

Which, if true, would call into question the nature of Christ's sacrifice, making his crucifixion God playing with loaded dice instead of letting free will fulfill prophecy, demolishing (you guessed it) traditional Christian dogma.

Gnostic gospels exist. What is it in our nature that makes us eager to believe that they are concealing deep dark secrets? Why do so many want to believe they're truthful but are willing to doubt the official gospels? Doesn't that tell us more about ourselves?

It seems to make no difference that these gospels are in print, available in many book stores and over the internet. Even available in Catholic bookstores, which have no obligation to carry them.

The Council of Nicea in the fourth century put together the New Testament that we know today. They had to go through a lot of manuscripts and texts that purported to be the word of God, true accounts of Jesus' life, the Apostles' lives and works, letters and sayings, etc.

Critics and conspiracy theorists assert that they destroyed the texts that emphasized Jesus' humanity, while keeping the texts that emphasized Jesus' divinity. While that may be, if they were truly trying to determine the will of God, perhaps that was God's will. But people are much more inclined to cry coverup; some, depending on their agendas, see the jettisoned material as proof that the Church Fathers were hiding all kinds of alternate viewpoints.

Couldn't it be that a lot of the rejected material was repetitive, poorly written, obviously fraudulent, or clearly pushing someone's personal agenda? It happens in books and articles that are written about current events or figures in the news. There have been numerous books about John F. Kennedy and Winston Churchill. Does anyone accept everything each book asserts as, you'll pardon the expression, gospel? Maybe some, but many seek out various sources -- news items, eyewitness accounts, rebuttals from friends and enemies.

To get back to Mr. DaVinci. Why did he put himself in The Last Supper facing away from Christ? Did he see in the apostles cowards who turned away from Jesus in fear for their lives that night? And did he put himself in like that as a wry comment on his own weaknesses and imperfections? Or, if he was an atheist, maybe he just did it for laughs. Heck, if he was just a joker, we're lucky we didn't get Peter making rabbit ears behind Christ's back.

Did he paint them without halos to emphasize their humanity? Was this because he was giving a hidden sign that he had sympathy for the Gnostic viewpoint, who saw Jesus as human, not divine? Or was it his own personal viewpoint that Jesus, while God, still had a mortal body? Or that the apostles, about to run away in the Garden of Gethsemane, hadn't earned their halos yet?

DaVinci was a man of genius living in times dominated by Popes and kings and dukes and what have you. Was he a Gnostic? Was he an atheist? Does any of this matter today when we look at his paintings?

I think I'm going to write my own Gnostic conspiracy book. It will deal with an obscure sect of Rosicrucian’s who are the guardians of a holy relic that was suppressed by the Church in the 5th century. Yes, it's the Holy Spice Rack of Galilee -- made by our Savior himself, in his carpentry shop. It was an item of such poor quality, showing total ignorance of basic carpentry principles, that many at the Council of Nicea felt it was a fraud put forward to prove that Mary was, in fact, a single mother. Joseph was obviously not around to teach Jesus his trade, which meant he took a powder when he found out that Mary was with child, which would cast doubts about Jesus' divinity. I feel I will have a ready audience.

Destroyer Movie news from Warren Murphy

Brian Murphy released this item this afternoon on Warren Murphy's Forum

Warren Murphy announced today that he had signed a Destroyer film production deal with Robert Evans independent production company in Hollywood. The deal covers film and television, as well as computer
games and merchandising, and the old man says "after quite a few years in the Destroyer doldrums, we've got a chance here of seeing something good happen."

For those who don't know, Robert Evans is a one-time actor who took over the running of Paramount Studios when the company was down the drain and on the verge of bankruptcy. In just a handful of years,
Evans produced The Odd Couple, Rosemary's Baby, Chinatown, Love Story and The Godfather, and turned Paramount into the hottest studio in town.

This is great news, though I realize it may take awhile for a movie to begin production and there are many things which can go wrong.

I'm really hoping this stirs interest for the Destroyer books with a publishing company, and that this comes sooner rather than later. The contract with Gold Eagle is up as of this year and I'd like to see the books continue on with a minimum of interruption. Even if a publisher can be found, there would be more of a gap than the usual three months Destroyer readers have become used to.

A new publisher might choose to issue only two books a year instead of four. Or they might issue two Destroyers and two spinoffs (good too!). Or four Destroyers and two spinoffs (I'm getting greedy here).